you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
