Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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