she takes plan B like it's going out of style
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
