worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My vagina is very pro this idea
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
