I love black thongs
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
