I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Randomize