happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize