Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
