went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Alive.
So much puke
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
