Your tits are I can't wait for
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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