Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
