Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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