arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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