All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
