Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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