I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
