Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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