He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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