I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
