just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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