can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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