you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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