just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
