Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
