So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
