someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she smelled like a LAN party
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
