he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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