Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
