I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
They took my balls.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
