On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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