I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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