Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Randomize
