What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
