You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
