yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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