so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
