It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Randomize
