just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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