your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
