shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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