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she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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