Your face is a jimmy john
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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