You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
