Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize