At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
