I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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