If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
