I just threw up on my dentist
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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