I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
