Are we in a gay sports bar?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
