We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
