so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
