She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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