there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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