i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
