Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
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I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
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My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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