My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
