Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
