Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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