I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
should my penis look like a turkey
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
