Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
