she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
