dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
