I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
