I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
