??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
