i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
PANTIES FOUND
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