To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
