i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
