they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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