at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
