mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
A+ Viking dick
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