I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
