I'm lost and stupid without you.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
