Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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